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Te Crimnson AeutoCoreckt on th Friits

March 12, 2012

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Te Crmsn xperianced sum troobles todey s th tipicly relyed up on awtokorrect haze undregown som dificultys. Staf hav desperitly tryed too continew werk as usuel, butt their have bean an ajustmant peiriod. “Ths is whard,” reaports coe-ditor-in-cheif Jaque Strape, “Howw ear computters so smarte?” Wii apalagize four eny inconveineence.

Crimson First Edition Released to Mixed Reviews

January 19, 2012

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Today, a new cutting edge periodical unveiled itself on campus to a thoroughly lukewarm reception.  “What’s a crimdon?” queried Junior Daniel Weisman, thoughtfully.  “Oh, red?  No, I like blue better.”  Other reviews among the student populus were similarly unenthusiastic, ranging from confusion, “what are you talking about?” (Senior, Andy Velasco), to denial, “Do you know […]

Local City Councilman’s Campaign Sunk by Baby Eating Allegations

January 19, 2012

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“The claims are categorically untrue, slanderous, and, frankly, unfunny,” says campaign spokeswoman Sherry Shapstick. Despite this denial, the candidate has been followed by baby eating allegations for all of his political career. He and his wife have even had trouble in their attempts to adopt a child. His adversary, Pete MacNanaham, managed to keep his […]