Clark Douche Bags Out-Douche Bagged at National Douche Bag Invitational

Posted on January 14, 2012


At the NDI this past weekend in Newark, New Jersey, Clark University’s douche bags were thoroughly out-douche bagged by douche bags from across the country.

“Some of these douche bags were Division I douche bags,” said one Clark douche bag. “They’re, like, the biggest douche bags in the country. I wouldn’t be surprised if a few of these douche bags became professional douche bags.”

“You think you can just walk in here with a misguided sense of superiority and a lanyard and call yourself a douche bag?” berated coach Chet Horver at halftime. “We walked in saying ‘Hey man’ while everyone else was saying ‘Sup fag.’” Clark douchebags were especially inept at racial and homosexual slurs.

One senior douche bag lamented, “They had douchier jocks, douchier art kids, douchier rich kids. We were just out-douche bagged, plain and simple.”


“For the most part, we were just jerks today,” said one Junior douche bag. Some fear Clark douch bags will never be able to douche with the douchiest bags in the nation, but it wasn’t all bad for Clark’s douche bags. “There were times where we were assholes, which was good. We’ve just got to take it step by step…But everyone knows assholes win games, douche bags win championships.”

Posted in: Clark News