Tour Guide Executed for Calling Residence Hall “Dorm”

Posted on January 13, 2012


Following a brief hearing in front of an Admissions Tribunal, sophomore James Collins was found guilty of calling a residence hall a “dorm”. He was sentenced to death by firing squad. The execution took place moments later behind the new John Bassett Admissions Center.

Collins was reportedly outside the newly renovated Wright Hall when the incident occurred. Fellow Scarlet Key workers are shocked, but understanding of the episode. “I’m going to miss him,” says former co-worker Vanessa Langs, “I can’t believe he would make that kind of mistake.” Langs, though mourning, recognized the junta’s decision as legitimate.

“It’s very sad, but we all know the rules. When I was a freshman we were told—” she began, when a masked figure appeared, throwing a hood over Langs head, whispering “first year” in her ear. The man proceeded to stuff her into the back of a Clark University van, driving away.

Posted in: Clark News